I am the CEO of PowerFull Nutrition and we've just landed a contract with Margaret Sloss, the woman in power at Iowa State University's College of Veterinary Medicine. She wants to have our supplements re-engineered towards her genetically conceived super-animals and our dietitians to devise a performance-specific diet for them. If everything goes according to plan, the whole world will recognize our product as an influence to the first generation of super-breeds and the business will have a prominent future.
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Fellow Employees,
As you may have heard through the break-room gossip by now, we've recently landed a contract with the one and only company leading the pioneering industry of the future that deals in genetically engineered animals. I believe that the future holds huge rewards for our company, but I need your help to make sure we get there.
Despite the contract, we still have to ensure that nothing will taint the value of our company, resulting in a loss of the contract. Therefore, I have a few favors to ask of you and that I plead you keep in mind throughout your interactions with the super-breed company.
1. Margaret Sloss is the head of the company and quite undoubtedly the most powerful woman to go into the history books. That being said, she has a powerful personality and is to be dealt with the utmost respect and attention to detail.
2. When she is not speaking directly to you, a glance is ok, but any more than a gaze and you'll receive a glare (I'll know that she glared at you since you will not be able to emotionally recover for a few hours). The first visual offense will result in a warning, but by the second offense there will be little left of your soul anyway so I will have no choice but to dismiss you from employment as your ability to work will be impaired.
3. Any order received from Ms. Sloss or any of her speech-enabled chimeras (conglomerate breed of animals, often by crossing of species), is to be carried out immediately. Their business is depending on our business to keep up with them, so please be prepared to execute instructions from demanding orders and try to catch on to the many accents (ranging between barks, roars, and hisses) of the chimeras.
4. Keep in mind your profession, you are all very well-educated in food science and nutrition; this is what you know and this is why they're here. Make sure the data you collect is both accurate and precise, logging everything into the journals as soon as possible so that you can reference them in the future. Use the ADA (American Dietetics Association) website to publish your articles and share your observations. Just like before, sharing information with colleagues is the best way to make sure everyone is on the same page and any step forward is a sure step forward, there's no time for stumbling in the dark with this company.
5. Finally, always carry the pill we banned last year. Sloss is notorious for having her interns disappear right before she adds another chimera to her pack. In this case, use the pill to euthanize yourself.
If you heed my advice then I'm sure we'll have nothing to worry about and we will enjoy the most fiscal, the most prosperous, the most glorious year this company has ever had!
Congratulations to us!
Best Regards,
David Mena
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